Saturday, 31 December 2016

Two hours to go...

The new year is just two hours away and as I'm sat alone at home, with nothing to do or nowhere to go, I can't help but feel a deep pang of lonliness, but the rational side of my brain is saying is it really that bad? This time last year I had already gone out for dinner with my friends and we were just about to get ready to go out to a club, in all honesty that's all I want to remember of last new year, the sad truth is that night... Once we arrived in town, my boyfriend at the time spent the majority of the night ignoring me and chatting up other girls, only talking to me to either embarrass me or insult me infront of other people, and my best friend ended the night in tears, because the whole night had a huge cloud of awkwardness and well complete crapness hanging over it, and it only got worse, with the envitabilty of alcohol being abused and then arguments happened. So all in all it was a rather large shit show. The friends I spent that night with bar 3 are all out of my life now, vast reasonings behind each and everyone of them, but I honestly don't think I would change it, I've grown a lot over this year and feel more at peace now with being alone and not relying on anyone anymore.
So is me being on my own tonight that much of an issue? Because I know I never want to relive that night again! 
What are your plans for tonight? I think I'm just gonna have a glass of wine and watch some crap on the telly. 
Happy new year! 😊🥂

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Real life Bridget Jones



Alas for once I will try to write a happy blog post, lord knows I haven't in a while, normally my usual subject of choice is all gloom and doom, the nonsensical ramblings of someone who is no way qualified to dish out any advice on anything in life, not because I haven't had enough life experiences, because believe me at twenty-two I could tell you tales of things I've dealt with in my life that someone twice my age wouldn't be able to handle, but I'm not qualified because quite frankly I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, and that is not a bad thing, like do not get me wrong it is NOT a bad thing at all, I mean do any of us know what we're doing... Really? I've learnt over this past year just to live my life one day at a time, and I'm fine with that, now I'm not saying you should too, but what's wrong with slowing down once in a while and just savouring life, because we don't have much time here, I know I don't, so why not make each day count? (As cliché as it sounds) It's all about finding that balance, and 2017 will be my year of figuring that out....

There's something about winter that just brings my soul to life, the cold weather, the shorter days, the longer nights, I just love it, and not because I'm a "barely functioning day walker" (as I was once told) but because it's the holiday season, Christmas is in a few weeks and secretly I'm shitting it, as it stands as I write this at 4:26am on the 4th December I have only bought 4 presents, and I still have loads to buy, but...with very little money, (Joys of still being unfit for work) anyway that's not the point, Christmas is a time where you don't have to go out in the cold if you don't want to and you can just sit on your arse in front of the tele, eating crap food and watch reruns of shows like "The Vicar of Dibley" or "Only Fools and Horses" on gold (if you're American, read above as "Fraiser", and "Everybody loves Raymond"(sorry couldn't think of any other old American shows haha) I mean what is there not to like?! I must be honest Christmas Day itself is slightly boring, but that's only because it's the same routine every year, but I shall let that one slide, because the run up to it is magical. But... my absolute favourite thing about this time of year is the hope and optimism of what the new year will bring, and believe you me, I'm holding on to that hope because the past few years have been absolutely the worst fucking years of my life so far, so I can not wait to welcome January 2017 with a new beginning because next year big things are going to change, I have it all planned out, and by god am I going to stick to it, I deserve a year of laughter, love, and being happy, a year of finally (fingers crossed) being well enough to start working again, I have missed so much not my own job, my own income and independence and actually feeling that my life has a purpose, that I'm doing some good, and taking the steps to make my life better? Take it as my "Bridget Jones" year, and hopefully it's going to be amazing! Who knows maybe I shall take inspiration from Bridget and start daily blogging my life, nothing cut out, lay it all out there on the line, probably wouldn't be the greatest idea to bare my soul to the Internet... but why not?!! I haven't got anything to hide, and never know it might inspire others to do the same thing?!

Once again this blog post hasn't really had a point, but I hope if you reading this is may hopefully of made you smile...

What do you plan for 2017? I'd love to know x

Monday, 14 November 2016

Dermatomyositis you haven't beaten me yet.

Coming to terms with being ill for the rest of your life is weird, but what's weirder is other people's reactions to it, yes I'm ill, and some days I don't want to do anything but it's not like I'm living in a fucking bubble, I can still pretty much do everything I used to, but I just get tired quicker, I can still go out and have fun, I just need a little longer to recover that's all, or on the other hand I have people that have no fucking idea what I have, or haven't even tried to learn anything about it and therefore think I've made it up, it's odd, especially having something so rare, I have Dermatomyositis but my case of it, is even rarer because I'm 22 and normally you have it as a child or a lot later in life, so yeah bit of a freak of nature here 😂 but fuck it, I don't really care, it makes me who I am, and I just have to accept that.

However there are a few things that do make me laugh about being ill and that is the same old shit people ask you no matter how many times you tell them...

"Is there anything they can do about it?"

Nahh I'm just taking a shit tonne of steroids daily just for the sake of it...

"Is there a cure?"
Well seen as they don't know how it's caused, or what it really is in full, I doubt it...

"How long will you be ill for?"
Your guess is as good as mine, but seen as there's no cure, I'm gonna go with forever.

Yes I may seem sarky about the whole thing but two years of the same questions start to do your head in, it's kind of like when someone has a baby and all anyone ever does is ask the mother questions about the child and nothing else, that's kind of what I'm going through, no one ever seems to talk to me about anything else other than my illness, it's aggravating, I didn't suddenly just shut off and become someone who can't talk about anything else but being ill... this post is very "ranty" I apologise for that but god it's annoying haha and I do see I'm being a hypocrite by writing a post about being ill and whining about how that's all people want to talk to me about but yeah, we all need to rant sometimes and this is just my outlet for it!

All I'm saying is stop treating me like I'm useless, because I'm still the same person, just a little bit unwell and that is all! :)  

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Loosing control

I let my loneliness get the most of me tonight, it's been months since I've "lost control" and to me it feels like I've just taken a giant step back, having depression for as long as I can remember has allowed me to be able to control my emotions and even at times completely "turn them off" and I know that sounds weird because some people do see depression to be something that you can't control, but a lot of the time I can, and the last few months I have been going through life without any emotion, I made myself numb to everything, in doing so though I do become a non caring heartless bitch, but if I do that I don't feel the pain I'm feeling right now, I don't feel the years of hurt I've suppressed, I don't feel guilt and remorse from bad things I've had to do in my life, I don't feel the emptiness inside when I go to bed alone every night, or the loneliness I get from weeks and weeks of not hearing from anyone, or the sadness I get every time I pick up my phone and have no notifications from anything or anyone. I just don't want to feel anymore, I've had more of my fair share of heartbreak and loss, that I just don't know if I can continue to do it anymore, I cried tonight for me, I cried tonight for my little E, I cried tonight because I lost control and I cried tonight because I have to continue to be strong, and I've pretended for so long to be strong, when I'm dying inside, and I'm so scared of everything, I cried tonight because I don't know how much longer I can go through life, being numb pretending that everything's fine when it's not.

Thursday, 7 July 2016

Inner ramblings of a moron

Can we just all take a minute to acknowledge how crappy dating is in 2016? Like seriously?
Why is it so hard?
Dating apps? Hell no! I recently downloaded one just to see what it was like and honestly the copious amounts of request you get for threesomes and casual sex is ridiculous... And to add insult to injury the dating company itself made me a "upgraded user" because of the amount of messages I received! Thanks POF make me look desperate!
Also how the hell did my account get hacked within only being active a day?
Why so many stalkery men as well? I admire your persistance! But... No I'm not interested, no you can't have my number, no I don't want to meet!!!

Adjusting to being single is weird... But certainly freeing, I can definitely talk to anyone or see anyone I like and I must admit I'm loving that...

The real question is, am I looking for a new relationship or am I just looking for myself? (Cliché as fuck I know) But since breaking up with my last dickhead I have woken up in a good mood everyday and have been feeling very optimistic about the future.. I don't feel scared anymore, and I'm not bothered about what people think of me! That's got to be good right?

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post it is definitely the inner ramblings of a moron (hmm I like that! Title name I think)

So I found out recently if I like someone and I feel awkward in their company I reduce myself to just annoying them! How childish is that? Really must learn to stop doing that! 🙈
Why as the female race are we so self deprecating? (Or maybe it's just me)  It's one of the main things I hate about myself... I have a feeling that may be why I have such problems in the dating world... I just can't take a compliment, and it's not because I think you're lying because you may see me that way, it's more of a thing of I wish I saw myself the way you do? But if I did would I be more happy? Or would I just find some other flaw I think I have?

And why aren't guys interested in me for more than like 3 days? I know it's me I get that, but there's something you should know about me, I'm not a very dependent person anymore... No I won't message you all the time, because I feel like I'm going to be annoying you, but that does not mean I'm not interested in you! Eurgh relationships and meeting people is difficult! I think that's why I've remained in past relationships before because I just got comfortable with just exsisting and not living (cliché again but true)

So this year I have definitely cut ties with a lot of people, and I definitely feel better for it, it's amazing how cutting a few people out of your life can make everything change,  I don't hold grudges about anyone but sometimes you just out grow people, or for you to grow you need to do it on your own. It comes to a point when you look back at past relationships/friendships and think there was more bad times than good, and that's not healthy! Do I miss them? Honestly... No, I'm now happy with being on my own and I don't feel the need to be in constant contact with another human, plus I feel as though a shit tonne of negative energy has been removed from my life!

On a good note though... I've learned that I can be myself and happy without antidepressants and anti anxiety tablets... I'm not sure if that has anything to do with past stuff (see last blog post) but I definitely feel better not being dependent on tablets!

Also can we take a moment to acknowledge how amazing yoga makes you feel?

Oh yeah one last thing... How much Red Wine is too much Wine to drink on your own? Ha!

NicoleeJayne
XoxoX

Friday, 17 June 2016

Just a quick message

Trying all I can to find my inner strength!! It's really difficult when the life you have known for the past 3 years completely changes and you feel lost as though your comfort blanket has been removed, but you try to be independent and not rely on people or burden them with your issues! Coming out of a "emotionally/mentally" abusive relationship is the worse kind of hell, learning how to adjust to being on your own, and trying to relearn that you are worthy of love, honesty, loyalty and respect, these things you may all take for granted I am now learning I am worth of, and what I went through wasn't my fault, that I don't need to bottle up how I feel and suppress everything just because people say "you're a strong person" grieving the end of a relationship is only natural (even a bad one), and I don't need people to tell me "I'm better off without him" "shit happens" "move on" I know all of this and I'm trying and I'm trying to start again, it takes time, and I know this is how people try to help, but all you need to do is listen, I don't need you to say anything, I don't need you to slag him off or even understand, just having someone to listen to you so you can take the weight of your chest is a big relief, and the rest will be healed in time. No one wants to go through this kind of thing alone, I know how that feels and its suffocating!

All I'm asking is if you know someone going through something like this offer them your support, or just drop them a message to let them know that you're hoping their okay, such a simple act will mean more to them then you will ever know :) xxx

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

20 Things you might no know about me tag

Question 1: How tall are you?

5’3” which to be honest I think is quite a nice height

Question 2: Do you have a hidden talent? If so, what?

I can play "Raindrops keep falling on my head" on my teeth! Yeah... its as weird as it sounds haha

Question 3: What’s your biggest blog-related pet peeve?

Trying to get a decent layout, I'm never happy with how my blog looks, or having to "sign in" to comment.

Question 4: What’s your biggest non-blog related pet peeve?

I have loads! Most probably be people who have no table manors!

Question 5: What’s your favorite song?

I have loved this song all my life! It was number 1 in the charts when I was born!

Question 6: What’s your favorite Etsy shop that isn’t yours?

MignonandMignon such beautiful items!

Question 7: What’s your favorite way to spend your free time when you’re alone?

Probably just watching TV, looking through Pinterest, or reading.

Question 8: What’s your favorite junk food?

Pizza! I am so addicted to pizza!

Question 9: Do you have a pet or pets? If so, what kind and what are their names?

One dog, her names Bella and she is a Border Collie cross Spaniel and she's 11 years old!

Question 10: What are your number one favorite nonfiction and fiction books?

Fiction: Pride & Prejudice
Nonfiction: The Weather Experiment

Question 11: What’s your favorite beauty product or tool?

Urban Decay Naked Smoky Palette

Question 12: When were you last embarrassed? What happened?

I don't really know takes a lot to make me embarrassed!

Question 13: If you could only drink one beverage (besides water) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Either coffee or Pure orange juice

Question 14: What’s your favorite movie?

I have so many! I cant pick one!

Question 15: What were you in high school: prom queen, nerd, cheerleader, jock, valedictorian, band geek, loner, artist, prep?

Loner

Question 16: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Either London or somewhere in America

Question 17: PC or Mac?

Both

Question 18: Last romantic gesture from a crush, date, boy/girlfriend, spouse?

God knows :(

Question 19: Favorite celebrity?

Lea Michele

Question 20: What blogger do you secretly want to be best friends with?

Gabriella Lindley

Monday, 14 March 2016

Fun Questions Tag


1) When is your birthday? (You don't have to include the year if you don't want to.)
April 7th 1994


2) What are 3 of your favorite colors?
Grey, Maroon, Purple


3) What are your 3 favorites quotes?
"You forgave faults, found perfection, fell madly; then the next day the sun came up and it was over" - William Goldman
And in that moment I possessed and lost the whole world and everything in it and was left with the feeling and the knowledge, which is love, that no matter how we give ourselves we always end up losing. That to love is to lose, the moment we agree to the bargain. And that, being human, we keep standing there wanting to lose more." - Ann Rinaldi
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity" - Anne Frank

4) Are you addicted to YouTube?
Urmm.... Completely

5) What are 3 of your favorite shows on TV or YouTube or both?
They change all the time but at the minute they are...
The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Psych


6) What are 3 qualities you like in a best friend?
Deal with my craziness, likes to consume vast amounts of wine, and random road trips


7) Do you like your name? 
Better than the other name my parents wanted.

8) If you have the choice to pick your own name, what will it be?
I would of liked to be called Gabriella

9) What is your fantasy dream?
Going to the Maldives with friends, or a road trip across the USA


10) Do you wear makeup?
Yeah I do, I absolutely love it, it's very empowering!

11) If you could write a book, what would the title be and what would it be about?
I started to write a book, don't want to give away anything though, hoping to get it published someday

12) What makes you cry?
A lot of stuff from books to movies, to just general stuff in life.


13) What makes you angry?
When people are completely arrogant and stubborn


14) What makes you happy?
Every day things, like seeing friends, family, food! Food always makes me happy haha


15) What is "Fangirling?"
I'm not entirely sure and I kind of don't understand it


16) What are your 3 favorites snacks?
Strawberries, Chocolate, grapes


17) What are your 3 favorite foods?
Pizza, Pasta, Anything Italian really


18) What are your 3 favorite drinks?
Coffee, Water, Sprite


19) Can you tell us a little about yourself?
Urmmm... i'm 21 wanted to be an actress all my life, started this blog because I was suffering with suffer depression and needed and outlet, I have an autoimmune disease, and have had a lot of bad stuff happen to me, but because of this I feel stronger than ever!

20) What are 10 random facts about you?
1) I'm 5'3
2) I absolutely love America and the first time I went there was in 1996.
3) I went to Africa when I was 17 and stayed there only for 24 hours
4) I'm a really picky eater and wont eat most meats
5) I'm allergic to shellfish
6) I got my first "Acting" Agent at 11 years old
7) My favourite singer is Michael Jackson, the man was incredibly talented, my parents actually have a video of me singing "You are not alone" at 3 or 4 years old!
8) My favourite Actress's are Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson & Helena Bonham Carter
9) I can speak basic French
10) I can sing, and would really like to do some cover videos soon.

21) What are your 3 fun things to do?
1) Love going to France absolutely love going there.
2) Just going for a drive, actually really like travelling.
3) Hanging out with friends

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Equality not Feminism



Feminism has come along way, us as women are getting what we want now more than ever but what really is feminism?


Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.


But my point is have we gone too far? Feminism is about equality, complete equality, but it seems today (or media portrayal) that we are trying to be "better" than men, and have moved away from the true meaning of what it actually is to be a feminist and that's what I do not call myself one, I believe we should be equal, so why are we only dealing with matters that affect us as women, why not stand up for Men's rights as well?

A study found out every year in England and wales around 12,000 men are raped I know that's a big difference to the 85,000 women that are, but my point is most men will not come forward and say they have been, so therefor the number is probably a lot higher, and why don't we hear about such cases on the news, I myself have heard men who have been raped told "well if a woman forces you to have sex with her its not rape" or "don't lie you loved it really" us as women focus on the "not asking for it" campaign but is there the same for men? Why should that be overlooked? And why are there so many false rape claims against men? I believe women should be prosecuted for false claims, this is a subject that really hit home for me a few years ago when someone I love had one of these false claims put towards them, and I tell you now, it nearly destroyed his life, even though he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. Luckily due to evidence the case was dropped, but she wasn't prosecuted for it! It was kind of swept under the rug and never spoken about again. Even though he lost his job, many friends and even family members turned their own backs on him. How it that okay?

Did you know three quarters of suicides in the UK are men?! Why aren't we doing something about this, we have come so far with mental health in the past few years, the level should not be so high! Why is our portrayal of men so warped? Why do we see them as, they have to be strong, not talk about their feelings, just to get on and deal with it? Why don't we target campaigns to them, tell them its not a sign of weakness to open up, and deal with their issues! Show them that help is available, all they need to do it ask, every suicide campaign I've seen has been targeted to women, when men are the ones who are suffering more, these campaigns need to stop being gender biased and open themselves up to everyone.

UK government statistics show 1 in 6 men will be victims of domestic abuse in their lifetime, yet adverts only show the side of men abusing women, why is that? Yet again why do we have the view that women cant abuse men, its a load of bollocks, campaigns should be targeted to both sexes, because it affects us all! Men can just as easily be abused as women, and yet these cases remain behind closed doors never to see light because there's a stigma attached to it, men are supposed to be the kings of their own castles, so to speak, and if their not, we as a country don't know what to do about such things, how can a women abuse a man its seems to be preposterous in todays standards, when it is happening right now, and we need to put an end to it, not only for men but to everyone suffering domestic abuse.

Now you may read this post and think I'm anti women or anti feminism, but I'm not, women have done amazing things and were not to be overlooked. I just feel feminism should be about complete equality what a man can do, we can do, we should have equal pay, yet at the same time, if we want equal pay we should be willing to work the same hours as men do.

We should be making sure the same mental health treatment is available to men without the stigma of being "weak" attached to it! We should encourage men to talk about their feelings and as a collective lower the shocking suicide rate.

Feminism should be about focusing on problems that affect all of us and making a change to that, and I don't want you to read this and think that I don't care about womens issues, because I do, I just feel like the world would benefit more if we focused on being equal and stop trying to one up eachother.


What are your views on feminism? Do you disagree or agree with the points i've made?  Love to hear your comments on this :)



NicoleeJayne
xoxoxoxoxoxox









Monday, 7 March 2016

Living With An Autoimmune Disease!

(Started writing this as kind of a motivational/informative post kind of ended up a rant, sorry about that!)


A little over a year ago I was suddenly struck down with severe weakness and tiredness, to the point that if I were to sit on the floor I could not get up on my own, at first it was very confusing and frustrating because even getting up from a chair was near on impossible, feeling as though someone was pushing me back down, but physical weakness and uncontrollable fatigue aside, the hardest thing about having an "Autoimmune Disease" is you feel pretty much alone, and when the people around you don't really understand what it is you have or why you cant just "stand up" it can get very stressful and depressing. I've had to deal with being left out of things like going to the beach, camping, and sports because I physically can not do it, I've lost jobs and now am unemployed because I physically can not work, even though I look quite well on the outside, inside is a daily struggle of being in pain and tired all the time!

Now... Autoimmune diseases are a very broad canvas, and I personally do not know which one I "specifically" have, but I do know it is non life threatening, but I will have it for the rest of my life, and let me tell you the prospect of that is so friggen scary! I do not know what triggered mine, could of just been my age or could have been from a fall I had a while back, I went through a faze of randomly feeling disorientated and just falling over which my now very scarred up knees have not thanked me for, but... that being said medical professionals do not know what causes these autoimmune disease and their is no "cure".
Also I lost over 3 stone in 6 months and am still loosing weight now, sounds great doesn't it, but its really not, its quite scary when you're not yet diagnosed with anything.

I don't really know why I am writing this post but I just hope if someone else who has a autoimmune disease reads this they can realise they're not alone. It has taken me over a year for a doctor to actually take me seriously and get me the help I need, I've been told it was just all in my head that my muscles where working fine and there was no reason why I couldn't move, I was put through Physiotherapy and told to do exercises I couldn't do, and then get moaned at, at my next appointment because I had not improved. So many blood tests I couldn't even tell you how many it was I actually have had, and put on various medications which as you guessed did nothing at all.

My point is... If you don't feel well keep on and on until you get the help you need, I have to have a muscle biopsy at some point in the near future and then steroid treatment (not looking forward to that) but after over a year of being ill it has given me hope that I can get better well into "remission" as they call it, and my life will improve.

(I also wanted to do this post as a reasoning as to why I do not "work" in the normal sense as I have had a few questions on this on other social media sites.)

So yeah... If you have an autoimmune disease or any other medical problem that causes you to not be able to work, (in the conventional sense) what do you do for a living, or do you have any tips on how to make life easier?
I'd love to hear your stories too :)



NicoleeJayne
xoxoxoxoxox



Wednesday, 3 February 2016

UPDATED "What's in my make up bag"



The makeup products I use everyday have changed quite a lot but I still have my "ye ol' favourites" 


So... here it is my updated makeup bag 2016



  • My makeup bags from Victoria's Secret and I think it cost around £20, it has sparkly red stripes with white, a zipped compartment on one side and two pockets on the other, the inside is black with small red polka dots, its pretty cute and you can get lots in it.

  • Victoria's Secret fragrance mist in "Love Addict" I received this as a gift but they're roughly around £10

  • Maybelline New York super stay 24 hour foundation in "30 sand" £8.99 from boots, I really like this foundation but it oxidises so quickly so best to buy a shade lighter than you are.

  • Rimmel London Scandal Eyes Mascara in "Extreme Black" £6.99 from Boots, this has been a favourite of mine for a very long time, once on it lasts all day and gives lashes fullness and length.

  • Maybelline New York Big Eyes double end mascara in "black" £11 from Boots, I really like this one, very dark and makes your lashes look extremely long.
  • Naked Smoky Palette by Urban Decay £38 from Debenhams, I honestly think this has to be my favourite Naked palette, I think I may do a whole post about this because I love it so much.

  • Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula Lip Balm £2 from boots, love this, works well and smells lovely.

  • Diva Lipstick by Mac £15.50, the colour of this is amazing, its so rich and deep, plus the blue undertones make your teeth look really white!

  • Velvet Teddy by Mac £15.50, this is the perfect nude colour, it is absolutely gorgeous!

Maybelline New York eyestudio lasting drama gel eyeliner £8 from Boots, favourite eyeliner ever I feel like this one is the hundredth one I've bought haha.

(Now the rest I don't have pictures for because my camera decided to break)

  • Hoola Bronzer by Benefit £23.50 I love this bronzer, it's perfect. would definitely recommend.

  • Rimmel London, lasting finish soft colour blush in "050 Live Pink" £3.99 from Boots, its very pretty, has great colour pay off as well.

  • Pink and black polka dot compact mirror £1 from primark, one side normal mirror, other side magnified, not much to say about this one, does exactly what its suppose to do.
What products do you use everyday "Makeup Wise" ?

Nicolee

xoxoxoxoxox




Tuesday, 2 February 2016

London Vlog


Here's my first attempt at "vlogging" although I was too embaressed to talk because lots of people where looking at me haha.
 
In the near future though I hope to be uploading more video's :)

Nicolee

xoxoxoxox

Graze Box Review

I recently ordered a graze box because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and I honestly think I may be obsessed now, I got the variety box and it was only £3.99 and for how much you get, it's so cheap!!!
On their website you get lots of options on what you want or you can leave it up to chance, I personally went through and "binned" a few things I knew I wouldn't like such as olives, but its up to you. Their website is so simple to use, and quick too, you also have a choice to change your deliveries from once a week, every two weeks, or every month, also if you want you can snooze your orders as well, (up to four weeks) in case you want a break from receiving them!

What was in my box:



Wholegrain banoffee dippers.
These are pretty self explanatory, this included: whole meal banana shortbread and toffee sauce, and they were absolutely lovely, they're only 147 calories but believe me it feels like your eating something with way more calories than that! I personally loved everything about this one and can't wait to get this one again. Honestly it's worth buying a box just for these!

Texan Corn Salsa.
This pack included: salsa almonds, corn chips, jumbo chilli corn and roasted corn, I really liked this one as well, they had quite a bit of spice to them and I couldn't stop eating it, again this has very low calories at 155 per punnet. I didn't think I liked almonds but this definitely changed my mind.

Garden Of England.
This includes: Mini Strawberries, Apple and Blackcurrants
I must admit I love fruit, but dried fruit has never really appealed to me, but once again this was really nice, I enjoyed the blackcurrants the most in this one, because they had the most flavour, however personally dried apple just doesn't float my boat. But... Can we take a moment to appreciate how cute the name of this one is! Calories:79


Salted Pecan & Chocolate Tart.
This includes: Milk Chocolate and salted almond buttons, pecans, chopped dates and pumpkin seeds
The chocolate in this one is so good, and I have never liked dates but they work really well in this combination. You get the crunch of the pecans and pumpkins seeds along with the chewiness of the dates followed by the smoothness of the chocolate almond buttons, it makes for a brilliant flavour combination! Also milk chocolate and salted almond buttons who came up with that? It's amazing! Calories: 192 per punnet.


All in all I think these are well worth the money! I would recommend these to anyone whose looking for healthier snack options.

Have you tried Graze boxes?
What snacks do you like or recommend?

Nicolee
xoxoxoxoxox

(I do not own any rights for pictures featured)





Monday, 1 February 2016

What we where obsessed with in England 1990-2010

Growing up in the mid to late 90's and early 2000's was brilliant, and I've seen a lot of these types of blogs but they're mostly American so here is what people where obsessed with in England at that time :)


Ice Gems! Did anyone actually like these? I know I didn't you'd just eat them because your mum put them in your lunchbox and you wasn't "cool" if you didn't have them!


The Motorola Razr! Now in my school you weren't popular if you didn't have one of them! To be honest i'm not entirely sure why! They were pretty shite! But you know they were pink so that somehow made them cool!


Prayer Beads! Not entirely sure how this trend started! Honestly though this was late 2000's and people had these in so many different colours, we didn't have them for religious reasons, these where a fashion statement and still to this day no one has any idea why we were so obsessed with them!
Dairylea Lunchables... You was one lucky so and so if you found one of these in your lunchbox especially the ones with a Capri sun and Daim Sweets in it, The hot dog one was pretty rank but the pizza was pretty good! (Until it got banned) If you have ever eaten a Lunchable as adult you know they're pretty disgusting as I found out the other day, was being all nostalgic and it led to me consuming one of these god awful things. These where pretty much a staple in a English child's life, you more than likely got one of these when you went on a crappy school trip.


Gummy sweets, these had a proper branded name but for the life of me and cant remember and google didn't know what I was on about! These things were not only really disgusting but I remember them being really bloody sticky as well and had a weird smell!


Ye old faithful Nokia 3310 now these where the shit! Hours spent playing snake and wasting money one different coloured buttons that didn't really work and having a huge collection of cases that you would swap with your friends. The battery life on these were amazing! Why cant phone batteries last this long now?! That's another point actually if your phone did die you know once every millennia, everyone pretty much had the same phone so you could just swap your battery with theirs, do what you needed to do and swap them back again, ah things where so much simpler then. Who could text on one of these without looking and get it all correct? I know I could!


Mr Blobby, he was one scary f***er still gives me nightmares to this day! Whose idea was it to make this terrifying thing a kids tv show?



Yup the picture is true... that shit burned! Especially as you would put it in your eyes just to see if the bottle was true haha

Stick on earrings where crap they didn't stick and looked awful, but until you could persuade your mum (in my case dad) to let you get your ears pierced these would do in the mean time!


I had one of these and looking back now they are truly horrifying, why on earth would you want a doll with no face? And also the faces you did draw on it just looked like shit anyway! Did not see the point in these! Plus they were bloody expensive!


Chuckle Vision was pretty crap! But still to this day you cant pick up anything with someone else without saying "To Me To You"


Jelly shoes! Why oh why did these make a comeback? They're awful! They stink they give you such bad blisters and you're forever trying to dig stones out the bottom of them! In my opinion these should of stayed in the past!!

Weird hairstyles! You know that time you put chopsticks in your hair because you saw Lizzie McGuire had done it and it looked really good on her and you thought you could pull it off? Yup we've all been there! And the crap tonne of butterfly clips you've put in your hair before? I think its best not to talk about it!


Oh my god if you opened your lunchbox and found one of these you were so lucky they where stupidly expensive and lets be honest stupidly good, although if your parents did splash out on a pack of these you always knew the White and milk chocolate balls one would go first!

Sky Dancers! How awesome where they? Until you know they inexplicably flew over next doors fence because you couldn't be told and played with it outside!


If you didn't have a pair of Nike Air's you were apparently a nobody! I never really saw the attraction to them, I thought they were bulky and pretty ugly! But yet again they where a social symbol!


Candy sticks that you would pretend where cigarettes, I know cool right! And then you would try to put your spiderman tattoo on that would never fully turn out right and would take weeks to bloody come off!

The Spice Girls! The holy grail of any girls life growing up at the time, still to this day you can remember every lyric to every song! You would dance around your bedroom singing every song into your hairbrush, and watching Spice Girls live in Wembley over and over again, and being shocked that they done a whole song in the nude!


Blow up bags where pretty pointless, they didn't stay inflated and where a lot more see through than the one in the picture, so everyone could see what you had in it, once again they had a pretty weird smell but you just had to have one in every colour!


Oh yeah also the black school trousers with built in skirt on the top? And the backless school shoes? What was all that about?

So there is just a few things about being a kid in England.

Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane :)

Nicole xoxoxoxox 



MY top 5 best dressed! SAG Awards 2016!

So here is the top 5 best dressed at the SAG awards 2016 (in my opinion)



5: Joanne Froggatt, I absolutely loved this Burberry dress, the colour is absolutely gorgeous, but it doesn't exactly have the wow factor, so that is why its my 5th favourite!



4:Laverne cox, now once again I love the colour and shape of this dress by designer Atelier Prabal Gurung, really there's nothing to not like!

3:Rachel Mcadams, in a Elie Saab dress she looks absolutely gorgeous and can we just appreciate the intricate detail!


2: Kate Winslet did it again in this stunning Armani dress, how does this woman do it? She seems to be looking younger every time I see her! Its just an absolutely beautiful dress that shows off her amazing body!




1:Emilia Clarke! This beautiful fuchsia Dior (Haute Couture) dress is well deserved in top place I think, everything about this dress is gorgeous the shape the colour everything, and it gives great contrast with her skin colour as well! 




So there you have it MY top 5 best dressed at the SAG awards, do you agree? or disagree and who would be in your top 5?

Nicole xoxoxox



(I do not own any rights to the above pictures)


Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Goodbye 2015

GOOOOOOOOOOOOD BYE 2015

Now let's be honest 2015 must of been one of my worst years, well apart from 2014 but that's another thing and we will go into that another time! 

But 2015 sucked!!! 


2015 went so quick, and I succeed nothing apart from drinking copious amounts of alcohol and chain smoking a lot of cigarettes, plunged myself into debt and battled illness and depression the entire time! All whist being medically unfit to work! Sounds like a right laugh doesn't it? 

So it's now 2016 and I'm having to start again 😫 but what should I do with my life now? 

Well in the last 4 days I have applied for over 50 jobs, haven't smoked or drank alcohol, and have already booked myself into the doctors to get help for my medical problems! 

So what does this all mean? 

I know it's only 4 days into January and I have a long way to go, but you can change if you want to, you just need to recognise there's things to change, I could of stayed in the self destructive path I was on but I've already wasted a year! What's the point in wasting my twenties? 

I have come to remember my dreams and this year I want to get back into acting, I've been acting and wanted to be a actress since I was 4 years old and somewhere along the line I gave up on my dream! But we only get one life, why not live it too the fullest! 

So in 2016 I plan to.... 
Remain alcohol free 
•Remain cigarette free
•Return to work
•Get out of debt
•Continue to battle my depression
•Chase my dreams
•Become physically fit

So what's your dreams? How was your 2015?  And what do you have planned for this year??