Saturday, 31 December 2016

Two hours to go...

The new year is just two hours away and as I'm sat alone at home, with nothing to do or nowhere to go, I can't help but feel a deep pang of lonliness, but the rational side of my brain is saying is it really that bad? This time last year I had already gone out for dinner with my friends and we were just about to get ready to go out to a club, in all honesty that's all I want to remember of last new year, the sad truth is that night... Once we arrived in town, my boyfriend at the time spent the majority of the night ignoring me and chatting up other girls, only talking to me to either embarrass me or insult me infront of other people, and my best friend ended the night in tears, because the whole night had a huge cloud of awkwardness and well complete crapness hanging over it, and it only got worse, with the envitabilty of alcohol being abused and then arguments happened. So all in all it was a rather large shit show. The friends I spent that night with bar 3 are all out of my life now, vast reasonings behind each and everyone of them, but I honestly don't think I would change it, I've grown a lot over this year and feel more at peace now with being alone and not relying on anyone anymore.
So is me being on my own tonight that much of an issue? Because I know I never want to relive that night again! 
What are your plans for tonight? I think I'm just gonna have a glass of wine and watch some crap on the telly. 
Happy new year! 😊🥂

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Real life Bridget Jones

Alas for once I will try to write a happy blog post, lord knows I haven't in a while, normally my usual subject of choice is all gloom and doom, the nonsensical ramblings of someone who is no way qualified to dish out any advice on anything in life, not because I haven't had enough life experiences, because believe me at twenty-two I could tell you tales of things I've dealt with in my life that someone twice my age wouldn't be able to handle, but I'm not qualified because quite frankly I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, and that is not a bad thing, like do not get me wrong it is NOT a bad thing at all, I mean do any of us know what we're doing... Really? I've learnt over this past year just to live my life one day at a time, and I'm fine with that, now I'm not saying you should too, but what's wrong with slowing down once in a while and just savouring life, because we don't have much time here, I know I don't, so why not make each day count? (As cliché as it sounds) It's all about finding that balance, and 2017 will be my year of figuring that out....

There's something about winter that just brings my soul to life, the cold weather, the shorter days, the longer nights, I just love it, and not because I'm a "barely functioning day walker" (as I was once told) but because it's the holiday season, Christmas is in a few weeks and secretly I'm shitting it, as it stands as I write this at 4:26am on the 4th December I have only bought 4 presents, and I still have loads to buy, but...with very little money, (Joys of still being unfit for work) anyway that's not the point, Christmas is a time where you don't have to go out in the cold if you don't want to and you can just sit on your arse in front of the tele, eating crap food and watch reruns of shows like "The Vicar of Dibley" or "Only Fools and Horses" on gold (if you're American, read above as "Fraiser", and "Everybody loves Raymond"(sorry couldn't think of any other old American shows haha) I mean what is there not to like?! I must be honest Christmas Day itself is slightly boring, but that's only because it's the same routine every year, but I shall let that one slide, because the run up to it is magical. But... my absolute favourite thing about this time of year is the hope and optimism of what the new year will bring, and believe you me, I'm holding on to that hope because the past few years have been absolutely the worst fucking years of my life so far, so I can not wait to welcome January 2017 with a new beginning because next year big things are going to change, I have it all planned out, and by god am I going to stick to it, I deserve a year of laughter, love, and being happy, a year of finally (fingers crossed) being well enough to start working again, I have missed so much not my own job, my own income and independence and actually feeling that my life has a purpose, that I'm doing some good, and taking the steps to make my life better? Take it as my "Bridget Jones" year, and hopefully it's going to be amazing! Who knows maybe I shall take inspiration from Bridget and start daily blogging my life, nothing cut out, lay it all out there on the line, probably wouldn't be the greatest idea to bare my soul to the Internet... but why not?!! I haven't got anything to hide, and never know it might inspire others to do the same thing?!

Once again this blog post hasn't really had a point, but I hope if you reading this is may hopefully of made you smile...

What do you plan for 2017? I'd love to know x